Last week I took my son to a Diamondbacks game. I have attended alot of games, but never had I ever paid for the tickets on my own. For the first time in my life I am standing on my own two feet. I am having to fend for myself, and truly be the nurturer and provider for my babies.
While sitting in our seats in the 29th row behind home plate, feelings of gratitude along guilt started to fill my heart. I am so grateful that I have come so far so quickly, and have so many blessings in my life. Then, the guilt starts to creep in.
Guilt because I have so much in such a little time. Recovery not unlike everything else in life came so easily to me. I have always been a quick learner, adaptable and flexible. But to have lost the desire before 90 days and by the time I had a year of clean time under my belt I had the trust and friendship of my children and my parents back, as well as my friends along with an amazing job, that afforded me a newer vehicle and nice things for my children.
In the past when I had felt this guilt, I would catch myself asking, "why?" Now, I don't ask, "why?" I simply whisper, "Thank You."
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Recovery and Beyond
Buzz Lightyears catch phrase, "to infinity and beyond"...Mine, has formulated into some morph of Recovery and Beyond. I can understand why most (recovering) addicts get sucked into a life of 12 step meetings. Once you have "recovered" what else is left for them to do?
I took a different path..a path filled with living. In doing that, I did open the door to the floods of pain that life and living bring...but I so do not regret the choices I have made since walking out of the 12 step rooms of so-called recovery.
I chose God and The Universe as my sponsors. I chose my children and close friends as my support group. I chose ME. Things get difficult and can be a struggle at times, but when I come out on top at the end of it all, the feelings of confidence, strength, and love are so worth it all.
Things are not always going to work out the way we want them...but they do always work out the way God and the Universe intended them to. I am just along for the ride, but what a ride it is! With all the twists and turns and loop-de-loops...you just gotta throw up when its over and get back in line!
CHERRIES & BERRIES BABY
I took a different path..a path filled with living. In doing that, I did open the door to the floods of pain that life and living bring...but I so do not regret the choices I have made since walking out of the 12 step rooms of so-called recovery.
I chose God and The Universe as my sponsors. I chose my children and close friends as my support group. I chose ME. Things get difficult and can be a struggle at times, but when I come out on top at the end of it all, the feelings of confidence, strength, and love are so worth it all.
Things are not always going to work out the way we want them...but they do always work out the way God and the Universe intended them to. I am just along for the ride, but what a ride it is! With all the twists and turns and loop-de-loops...you just gotta throw up when its over and get back in line!
CHERRIES & BERRIES BABY
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
...Still Changing...
One thing for certain, that will never change, is that things always change. Life is a lot like a clock. There are many moving pieces, it is always a clock, but always in motion and forever changing. Tonight, I am feeling very nostalgic, very humbled, quite grateful and blessed. Enjoying all the challenges and changes that winds carry into our lives. May God and the Universe bless you as I have been.
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