Debbie--Disconnected

Yesterday...Sucked...I was faced with many demons as I went about my day...The disconnection from my family was made crystal clear when I wasn't invited to the "family birthday dinner" for my oldest child. My brother finally told me how he really feels about me...and my best friend packed up their things and moved out after yelling at me that they liked me better when I was doing cocaine and drinking, because at least I stood up for myself...

I thought about drinking till I passed out (cocaine never crossed my mind), but then, I would be doing what I always do-mask the emotion-instead of dealing with it and processing it...So, I processed...I went through many phases crying cuz my heart is broken, to praying to God to end it all, to pissed off-Who the hell do they think they are?  (sound familiar?) and sent a couple texts to my butthead of a brother. All while I watched Harry Potter...LoL...eating Pringles, drinking Capri Sun...Good news is I handled it sober and didn't have a panic attack.  =)

I was faced with some of my greatest fears last night, and woke up this morning, alive, healthy and refreshed. I learned a lot about myself yesterday, as well as those around me...I learned the most about my family. It saddens me to have learned what I did...but, I'm wiser and stronger now...Two strengths that will get me through this.