Meds...Helpful or Hurtful?

A really good friend of mine shared with me that a close friend of hers is trying to get off anti-depressants and the depression is getting worse than before she started taking them! She doesn't know how to help her so hopefully I can give her some inspiration.


Wikipedia defines an antidepressant as "a psychiatric medication used to alleviate mood disorders" and continues to explain that "[their] effectiveness and adverse effects are the subject of many studies..." Which I would have to agree is true. Are antidepressants effective, and worth the adverse effects they can have on an individual?

I believe the answer to this question is up to each individual person in their search for inner peace and happiness. First, looking at what caused the depression; secondly, strategize...how to combat it, whether that be with medication, deciding if the side effects will hinder your mental healing or help.

After I was admitted into the hospital, I was labeled with a few diagnoses then prescribed Celexa. Since they were not sure how it would react with my system because of my malnutrition and vitamin deficiency and other substances, the doctor started me off on a low dosage to monitor the possible side effects as well as how I would adjust to the medication. Celexa (Citalopram) works by increasing the amount of serotonin, a natural substance in the brain that helps maintain mental balance.[1]

Side effects of Celexa are different for many people. Some people experience nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, stomach pain, drowsiness, excessive tiredness, uncontrollable shaking of a part of the body, excitement or nervousness, muscle or joint pain, and/or loss of appetite. When I first began taking Celexa, I experienced the drowsiness and had numbness and tingling in my face and arms and legs; however I did not experience any of the other symptoms. As I started eating again and taking vitamins, as well as adjusting to the medication, the side effects I was experiencing went away. Recently however, I had forgotten a dosage so I took a pill as soon as I remembered and it did induce vomiting. (But for those of you who know me well, know that just eating can cause me to vomit. LoL)

As with any medication, it is imperative that you see a health care professional while taking. Antidepressants are not like cold medicine or antibiotics that you can just stop taking when you are feeling better. In some instances stopping the medication cold turkey can have the same effect as when the person first started taking the medication, or even make the symptoms worse. According to the FDA, "It is very important that you do not stop [your] antidepressant without first checking with the prescribing doctor. Also, some of these medications may be associated with discontinuation symptoms if stopped abruptly, so that, if the doctor advises that the medication should be stopped, be sure to follow the doctor’s advice about how to accomplish this."[2]

Hopefully I have helped someone in their reading this...It is my motivation and inspiration for blogging my experiences. May God and the Universe bless you.  HuGz.


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1. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001041
2. http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/InformationbyDrugClass/ucm096321.htm#6

The Rocky Road

It has been a evolutionary roller coaster as I travel down the path to sobriety and healthy living. Which is also my excuse for not posting in over a month.

I sometimes still feel like Alice Through the Looking Glass...My dad is my all wise caterpillar in wonderland...Tony the Cheshire Cat...My mom the Queen of the Roses...Even though I am Alice, I believe with my clinical diagnoses, I am also the Mad-Hatter...LoL...

I have adjusted quite nicely to my clinical issues over the past two months. I haven't had any panic attacks in a month and have weened myself off of the vistaryl. I work out everyday, take my vitamins and supplements, and try to eat three meals a day, and three small snacks...Its hard work being healthy!  =)  But ever-so worth it. However, the family situation is still quite a rocky one...

My youngest child still loves Mommy and we enjoy our cuddle time everyday. My youngest daughter, my mini-me, loves me even though she's frustrated with the way things have gone these past 9 months...she believes in me and my recovery and is understanding. My oldest is and always will be daddys little girl...no matter what happens, she will always judge me and my faults and her daddy will always be the one person in her life that gets the "Get Out of Jail Free" card. I love her so much and admire her for her ambition and steadfastness...one day maybe she will see and understand that life isnt always black and white...Its colorful and brilliant and not always so easy to figure out sometimes...

I am getting back into the swing of things...and have re-dedicated myself to Me as well as to my blog.  =) 

Better Days Ahead

**this blog is dedicated to my dad...He is my Absolem in my Underland...I love you Daddy**

After weeks of awkwardness with my family, everything came to blows Tuesday...and it was a bit shakey for a few days...but after quite a lengthy conversation with my dad (four hours to be exact) I feel as though he still believes in me...and most importantly...he still loves me...

Addiction and Depression not only affect the user, but also has a huge impact on the family. Addiction and Depression hurts the families more sometimes than the addict themselves. It is because of this that support groups were also created to support the families learn how to cope with and deal with the "addict" as well as how families can help the addict. My uncle suggested to my dad that they attend Al-anon to help understand what path lies ahead for me in recovery as well as how they can process the emotions they are feeling for the hurt that I have caused them. I am so grateful that my family is willing to do this not only for themselves, but for me as well.

Al-anon and Alateen offer friends and families of alcoholics (and addicts) strength and hope. "It is estimated that each alcoholic (addict) affects the lives of at least four other people... alcoholism (addiction) is truly a family disease." (Al-Anon)  Al-anon offers support to the friends and families to help their relationship with the alcoholic/addict whether or not they are still drinking/using. 

I know that there is much Serenity and many.......Better Days Ahead.

Debbie--Disconnected

Yesterday...Sucked...I was faced with many demons as I went about my day...The disconnection from my family was made crystal clear when I wasn't invited to the "family birthday dinner" for my oldest child. My brother finally told me how he really feels about me...and my best friend packed up their things and moved out after yelling at me that they liked me better when I was doing cocaine and drinking, because at least I stood up for myself...

I thought about drinking till I passed out (cocaine never crossed my mind), but then, I would be doing what I always do-mask the emotion-instead of dealing with it and processing it...So, I processed...I went through many phases crying cuz my heart is broken, to praying to God to end it all, to pissed off-Who the hell do they think they are?  (sound familiar?) and sent a couple texts to my butthead of a brother. All while I watched Harry Potter...LoL...eating Pringles, drinking Capri Sun...Good news is I handled it sober and didn't have a panic attack.  =)

I was faced with some of my greatest fears last night, and woke up this morning, alive, healthy and refreshed. I learned a lot about myself yesterday, as well as those around me...I learned the most about my family. It saddens me to have learned what I did...but, I'm wiser and stronger now...Two strengths that will get me through this.

The Homeless Label

Presently, no job...no money...Disconnected from family and friends.
Soon, no phone...no home...no car.  Whats your next step Debbie?

I have even asked myself this same question...too many times to count...

Well, everyday I do little things here and there on the Internet to make a little bit money, while I apply to anything anywhere in hopes of paying rent and the bills. I have also tried renting out the two extra rooms in my house until the lease is up in March...Still nothing.

Why is it that everything is such a struggle for me lately?

It looks as though I get to add the label homeless to many other recent labels. You know, the OCD label...the addict label...the alcoholic label...the depressed label...the anxiety label...

They say God doesn't give us more than we can handle...apparently He has misunderstood the strength of me...

Do the Meds Really Help You?

For me, the answer is...YeS! Through my treatment and being "forced" (for lack of a better word) to contemplate over past behaviors, I learned that I was not coping with my emotions, instead I was masking them with other mood altering substances...such as tobacco, alcohol, and yes, drugs. The anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications truly help me to process thoughts, feelings and emotions in healthy ways...I don't even want to drink, let alone do drugs...even at my lowest points. Smoking...well, that continues to be a struggle, but not as much as it used to be...

Suffering from depression and anxiety doesn't have to be a bad thing, if you seek the help you need from doctors. Banner hospitals has a great program. I am indebted to the staff at Banner Thunderbird for all that they did for me. The support they offer the patients is amazing. I never felt judged and they never mistreated me. Only my mental and emotional health, welfare and safety were their concerns.  I can never thank them enough for giving me "Me" back.

A special shout out to Kuba...Thank you for your late night folk-tales and metaphors and pep-talks...You really made me think about the situation I have gotten myself in, and how to learn and grow from this situation. Thank you.

Serenity.

To Tell the Truth or Not To Tell the Truth...That is the Question

I created this blog in hopes of helping others to realize they are not alone, whether they are dealing with addiction, depression, anxiety, or any disorder for that matter. That someone out there like them has experienced the same struggle...Its comforting when we realize we are never really alone. So, I blog and I journal...I have shared and plan to share my innermost thoughts, feelings and struggles as well as my triumphs. Today, I celebrate more than thirty days of sobriety from alcohol and drugs.  I shared my blog with my friends in hopes they would understand why I have been acting "strange" over the past few months...Well, they understand...but some of them are no longer friends. One helped to get me fired, one said they couldnt ever be associated with a junkie...another always says she's too busy to talk "I'll call you tomorrow"...then my favorite, "call me when you celebrate one year of sobriety." The list doesn't end there...I've been deleted from friends lists, blocked from others, and the immediate send off right to voice mail when calling...

I know I messed up...I know people feel betrayed...I know that most of my "friends" have never been exposed to drugs and were raised to believe that people who do drugs are bad people who belong in jail...people who use drugs are the scum of the earth and are not worth the time of day God has given them...So, I understand the knee jerk reaction to push me out of their lives...but don't the good things I have done, the good person I was account for anything? 

I guess not...Once a Junkie, Always a Junkie.

Withdrawal

Got the shakes? Headaches? Temperamental and irritable? Feeling depressed and unmotivated? Then its quite possible you are experiencing withdrawals symptoms. There is no way to predict how any individual will respond to quitting, whether they are quitting caffeine, tobacco, drugs, or alcohol. Symptoms also depend on how "chemically dependent" the person is to the substance.

If the person is a "heavy consumer" of the substance, it is possible that if they quit "cold turkey" they will definitely need to be under the care of a physician. "they will experience some physical withdrawal symptoms -- which can range from the mildly annoying to severe and even life-threatening. Typically, for those who are mildly dependent, doses of vitamins (Thiamin) and a proper diet will prevent most of the mild withdrawal symptoms from occurring. For the severely dependent, medication can be administered, but only by a physician."(about.com)

What I found interesting is that the withdrawal symptoms for alcoholism, are also the same withdrawals that drug users and pill users experience when they quit. A gentleman I met in treatment suffers from paranoia schizophrenia because of the Xanex and Valium he was on for so long. I also experienced some of these symptoms myself when I got clean, and I was considered to be a moderate user and drinker. It is quite amazing to me the effects that our bodies experience from foreign chemical substances, even alcohol.

No matter your poison, your body can and in most cases will develop a chemical dependency. When you remove that chemical all of a sudden, your body and your brain experience a bit of a shock. It is definitely a good idea to stop putting such harmful chemicals into our bodies, but do it safely. Please seek the help of others including physicians as well as those who have walked that same path. Attending support groups and in time finding a 'sponsor' that can help you to get through it by sharing their own experiences and being an amazing support system for you.

90 & 90

When first beginning recovery it is recommended to the addict to help them stay on the straight, clean path of sobriety, to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. At first, this seemed to be a hell of a task. I didn't even want to go to a meeting, let alone 90 of them. But, once I began to go, I started to not feel so alone. I realized that there are a lot more others just like me. As it says in the Big Book, they may not have hit rock bottom as hard as me, and I may not have hit rock bottom as hard as them, but we have one thing in common, Powerless against alcohol and drugs.

28 days clean and sober and a few meetings in...Yesterday I missed a meeting because I showed up at the wrong time, and tonight I missed a meeting due to a family emergency...and I feel like I forgot my keys or something...You know that feeling where you walk around thinking you are forgetting something...Yeah, that's what I have been experiencing all night..Looks like I will have a busy week doubling up on my meetings to make up for my goal of 90 & 90.  =)

Pregnancy Nutrition: Eating for Two

(This is an article I wrote as part of my application for a job...wish me luck!)

The old cliché, "Remember, you are eating for two," is just a myth. This statement makes many expecting moms believe that they must eat more food and have a higher caloric intake when they are pregnant. In fact, the exact opposite is true, expecting moms should actually follow the cliché, "Quality, not Quantity."

When expecting, how much you eat is not as important as what you eat. Eating more calories is likely to mean excessive weight gain for you, which can put you at risk for pregnancy complications[i]. Eating foods higher in vitamins and nutrients should be the goal of pregnant women. It is true that your nutrient needs increase, but energy requirements only increase about 300 calories per day for the second and third trimester of pregnancy[ii].

How can you be sure you are eating the right kinds of foods? In order to ensure that you are ingesting enough foods rich in vitamins and nutrients, pay close attention to serving size and the ingredients contained in the food on the nutrition label. Try to avoid snacks that are high in sugar and fat and consuming foods containing higher amounts protein and calcium. Also, eat a variety of foods, vegetables, fruit, dairy and meats. 

The USDA has resources for expecting moms to assist in planning meals and snacks. Consult your obstetrician to assist in establishing a healthy nutrition plan for you and your soon-to-be-baby.

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[i] http://www.babycenter.com/0_what-eating-for-two-really-means_3563.bc

[ii] http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancyhealth/pregnancynutrition.html

Habit or Addiction

Ever sit and wonder why it is you do the things you do? Is it something genetically causing it? Is it something inherited through family tradition or habit? Or are you just crazy?

While I would like to believe I am of sound mind and perfect sanity, recent events in my life have forced me to ponder these questions repetitively throughout the majority of my days and nights. Clinically speaking, I am crazy...LoL...but seriously, These life changing events have also brought me in acquaintance with other people, who may look different, have different cultures and backgrounds and family dynamics, they too are having to face these same questions.

So, is it just something that is a habit or is it an addiciton? Whether talking about OCD or alcohol and drug dependancy, seretonin seems to be a term that is reiterated throughout most literature on these topics. "The chemical messenger, Seretonin seems to be heavily involved.  Seretonin is a chemical called a neurotransmitter that allows nerve cells to communicate with each other by working in the space between nerve cells, called the synaptic cleft.  According to research, Seretonin is involved with biological processes such as mood, aggression, sleep, appetite and pain.  It also seems that Seretonin is capable of connecting to nerve cells in the brain in many different ways and so can cause many different responses.  It is not even fully established if it is all or part of the Seretonin chemical or another chemical entirely acting on it; or a malfunction in one or more of the receptors in the brain that Seretonin attaches to that causes [problems]."

So we are still left with some unanswered questions...however, through the work I have been doing to better myself physically, mentally and spiritually, I have learned a lot about myself and have come to know and have started to come to terms that I suffer from depression and anxiety which resulted in OCD behaviors as well as addiction...

Some of us are lucky enough to know from the start that they are a product of their environment and do not ever suffer the consequences of the disease called addiction...maybe they have enough serotonin to carry them through the rough patches? 

I am a survivor, and though I have hit rock bottom, and having to rebuild the pieces before I can even begin to put them back together, I am grateful for my "short-comings" and my dysfunctional serotonin, because it helps me to remember I am not weak, that the exact opposite is true...I am a strong woman, a great mother and an amazing friend.


Website References used for article:
Anxiety Care
Seretonin

Blog? What?

Okay...So began a new trend a few years ago in which people would just journal things and post them on the net...And, I was like, "why the hell would anyone want to post their journal online?"  Apparently, "In America today, there are almost as many people making their living as bloggers as there are lawyers." According to Marc Penn. So, not only are people just babbling about their thoughts and opinions online, and people are reading them...but they are also making money doing it!

So, as I ponder what road to take for the next adventure in my life, and desperate for money, I join the revolution (better late then never). Not only do I have a plethora of random thoughts throughout my day, but I love to share them.  ;)  l0l...so, why not make a lil money on the side for the randomness that is Me?